Shakespeare Hates Your Emo Poems

Yes, yes he does.

“Are you emo? Hang with us here!” I was wondering if that was supposed to be figurative, or a literal “hang” as to dangle from one’s neck until dead. When I saw this link (whilst feeding my ebay addiction) Am I Emo? Why the hell not, ‘click’. The link didn’t seem to work and I pout like an anime lolita for all of half a second. Considering that emo try hards refuse to be “labelled” as emo and would probably unleash their well manicured, pointy fingernails if you tacked on the “try hard” within audible range. I wasn’t surprised that no-one had signed up to join and the address had most likely shuffled off this mortal coil in despair. The lesson? Dont rely on emo’s. Either that or, it actually was ment to be taken literally.

Emo reminds me of Elmo and that just screws up the entire image of try hard stripey tight wearing over accessorised teenies transported from the eighties. When Richard Hunt presented Elmo for the first time, the producers agreed that the character laughed too much. (Who’s laughing now hu? With the multi million dollars in mechadise sales?) Elmo is way too over stimulating. I wouldn’t be surprised if kids haven’t noticed he has a personality. They sit there stunned into a stupor we interperate as them actually enjoying all that giggling. Actually, its sort of provocative and sexually ambiguous now that I think about it. Who loves his crayon more than Elmo?

Other underthought and similar advertisiments on the internet are those for IMVU. “Chat in 3D! Be a STAR!” Isn’t the real world already in 3D, and free? I admit, I signed up, provoked by the allure of fame, you know. Someone might notice Emo me and I can pretend that they love and want to save me and although secretly flattered and smitten, I’ll abuse them as though I don’t care and would rather hang by the neck until dead. Because for Emo’s that’s some appealing and erotic fantasy.. mmm… hanging.. drool. Like all role play games and online anything, you get the opportunity to be something you’re not, do things you wouldn’t normally and can’t usually get away with, such as being a troll and killing the beautiful people, rofl. Not surprisingly, all eight of the character images are attractive and unattainably thin 15 year old teenies, oh and one is a leprosy white zombie goth. Which makes me wonder if every single person on there is actually a fat old guy from Brazil. Possibly living in the same apartment block next door to eachother. I endeavored to be the most screwed up gorgous looking emo bitch I could. TAKE THAT psudo-emo whores! Muar ha!

Speaking of communal living. I’ve been catching up with an old friend, Amanda. It’s been some years but not much has changed. Nathan says since we started catching up again I’m notably “crude and raunchy”. I think it’s for the best, ha!

-Salty Pea