Kenzie and Life With Babies

When you have a baby and they say “Don’t expect to sleep again.” They’re wrong. Expect to sleep, lightly, awaking at every infinitesimal sound and leaping out of bed to check the baby with the attempted stealth of a drunk ninja. Expect if you co-sleep, to be whacked in the chest, head, boob and face at random intervals by the sleeping babe. Expect also in this scenario, to forfeit the entire queensize bed and retreat to a poor excuse, slither of matress edge in effort to escape the whacking. Expect a sore neck as your head lulls intermittently during Mornings With Kerrie Ann, Songs of Praise and song clips on RAGE still under the late night lenient censor. (Yay for softcore porn.) Expect the eerie Harry Potter dream with zombies and nudity to merge rather convincingly with conscious land. Just don’t expect to be awake, for anything.

Want a date with the first dog? No worries: Kenzie, the competition.

-Salty Pea